by LAURIE on AUGUST 25, 2010

I have no boobs.  I already know this.  And I’ve known it for quite some time.

It was painfully brought to my attention in the 9th grade when Joe DiNicholas came up to my locker, a bunch of his dim-witted buddies in the background, and asked “Laurie, if you had no feet would you wear shoes?”  With as much attitude as I could muster, I promptly replied, “Of course not.”  He cracked up and belted out “Then why do you wear a bra?!”    His pals roared in the background and I dug my head deep into my stack of books and headed for class.  But I never forgot it.  (And no, Maury Povich is not my guest blogger for the day…)

Back then, being boobless made me the butt (obviously no pun here) of many jokes, and sent me home, most days, with no self-confidence to speak of.  And that no confidence thing stuck with me for years.  I used to joke to my neighbor that when I got a “real” job, the first thing I’d purchase was a boob-job.  Never happened.

Wanna know why?  I eventually figured out being boobless was far better than being brainless.  Or hairless, which, when I saw Joe a few months ago, is what he and many of his sidekicks are.  And because I saw them in the bowling alley, I’m thinking none of them are heading up a Fortune 500, either.  Ha!   (I was there collecting donations for the Leukemia Society, in case you’re wondering).

After high school, I went on to graduate from Marist College.  Magna Cum Laude with a list of honors and a 3.63 GPA.  I did my intern for a little company known as NYNEX, now Verizon, doing much of the research for development of 411, aka “information.”  Needless to say, I’m no dummy.  By that point, being boobless was no longer an issue.  Cultivating my brain became my main concern.  And confidence?  No problem there.

You’ve got to be wondering where I’m going with this.

I’m talking about lack of confidence due to the Boyz clubs who think they’re getting over on everyone else.  Because, that confidence issue, years later, reared its ugly head again.  And it had nothing to do with my physique.  It attacked me in the brainless department, and hit even harder.  Let me explain…

I loved my job.  I actually loved to work.  But I worked crazy hours with an hour and a half commute, each way.  When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew this was not the life I wanted for her, so I started to look for a home business.  After all, the ads all screamed, “average Joe is doing it!”  Based on my academic record, coupled with my work ethic, I could surely keep up with Joe, Tom, Dick, Harry, and Mary. This was my first biggest mistake. But then again, if we lived in retrospect, we’d all have our own heart’s desires… I’ve learned since then, academics have NOTHING to do with it.  And it’s a totally different form of ethics, or lack of, involved.

At the risk of sounding like a total idiot, over the last twelve years, I’ve sunk thousands into home business “opportunities,” disguised Internet scams, and get-poor-quick schemes on the net.  But first and foremost, “guru” marketing materials.

Losing big-time in the Internet arena led to my own demise…my confidence crashed, again, and I could not figure out how I could be so stupid!  How could I trust these people, when I knew all along many never give the real, or the whole, story?

Thus, my greatest asset:  I am a believer.  My greatest flaw:  I am a believer. It took me too many years and too much cash to figure out that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

I’ve suffered this lack of confidence I speak of twice in my life.  Once because of baldy, and once because I listened to too many self-proclaimed “gurus” on the Internet who sent me running in circles, chasing my own tail.  Both times I came out on top.  But it wasn’t easy.   And because this is already far too long, we’ll continue this little chat in my next post…

[Pssst… I do have to tell you this…  Over the years and tens of thousands of dollars in marketing “packages”, I’ve learned a lot of stuff.  I’m not afraid to use it. Or share it.  I’m no Salty Droid, but I am pissed].

Boobless?  Maybe.  But brainless?  Not a chance!

Peace, Love, and Warm Puppies,


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